On my way to be 'living', not just 'existing'

'I am waking up

It starts when all kinds of occurence came persistently

And I do explain it became an exactly meanings

Because the symptoms is not too much different with text book

They encourage me to get packing up, and get hurry

They also empowering me to start the pace

I don’t want to be left behind

So now I am walking

With faith as my provisions

I go trough the road that so many obstacle within

But I’m already far enough when some people call my name continuously

I’m already long time enough while some people keep a laugh at me

And already strong enough when other people always support me

My smile get expanded more and more than usually

Because I consider it as a gift that they give to me

I keep on walking

When circumstances always push me down, and even desiring to kill me

In every road that I passed away, the peoples  is not so fuckin kindly

Keep a staring at me, I cant explain it

Maybe they have pity on me, but their eyes is not look gloomys!

Maybe they hate me, but their eyes say that is nothing an anger!

Maybe they love me, but nothing even a love sight to me!

Or maybe just an empty look on

But i barely seen anything again

I stop walking

It happen not for all time

Just if I could careless when I ran unconsciously

When the road ahead is so easy looking

So then I stop, for a second just keeping a rest

And I need some time just to rise up

Oh, not a time exactly

but I need a spirit

yeah! For one time my spirit is missing, and the come again, and then missing again

I am this far away man!, I think I must use every spirit that I have

because I saw a lot of people while a journey behind

they have given up, although our goal is not too much different

they are choosing to go back

and then some people which far enough in front of me

some of them look taking a rest also

‘ just go back, dude! ‘, people around never stop a yelling

Argh! I close my ear!

fight against my heart, and I win

‘ I want to stop! And go back of course ‘. I shout it loud.

It is a very simple problem

But what will the people say ? especially for them that have a hope within me

So I am walking again

I need just a little bit more time

Because I saw the goal clearly

And the road is more better than before

The people is also look more kindly

More different if I compare with the beginning

‘  winner is do what looser never do ‘

Like a whisper, but I can heard what they say

And then they have smiling to me

 I used to called it as a ‘ don’t give up’ smile

Because the fact is, they are all same with me

They are a former

They have reached their own goal

And they have lived in their dream

So I increase my step, more and more

A little bit more time I guess

I will reach my goal too

I will live in my dream too

So I hope.